i woke up today, and immediately wanted to go back to bed. more than ever, i'm thinking i should be back on my antidepressants but, i don't like being or feeling weak. i work at 2 and am dreading it. i could cry any minute now. some days it's just hard to move, hard to think...instead i feel constantly, and i hurt constantly, over anything and everything. people must think i'm ridiculous, because the way i see it, i am.
i so much would love to just run away, and disappear. it's something i think about all the time, something i dream about.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8oTT9r9978
Tuesday, 9 August 2011
Saturday, 28 May 2011
nice to see you
there are some things i will never quite wrap my head around. there are things that are just not meant to understand, and i can't allow my head to be confused by it. maybe being sick has made me throw my emotions on the line, to become this vulnerable girl in a world that's the most alone.
with my riddle of words, i will keep writing what i feel needs to get out of my heart. i sit in bed constantly confused about who i am, who i need to be, and especially who i am to YOU. i've learned to care a great deal about what i mean to you, and what it means when we're together smiling. but as of lately, those feelings have withered away even further into nothing, and i'm becoming more and more worthless with insight. and i'm sure i'll keep myself in bed here, sitting here beating myself for slowly opening up to you, but as i beat myself up i can't help but wipe away a few tears and miss you all the time.
this empty feeling compares to every suicidal thought i've had, and it compares to every lifeless word that has come out of my mouth to other men. nothing was more real than the words that were to spoken to you, and i'll never be able to make you understand that now. i'll keep changing my looks, as if i've turned into a completely different person, becoming less and less like myself.
and with saying all of that, i believe this aching has showed me more often than not, that a small love developed and before having it continue, it feels like i've already said goodbye.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw9ayNd1Cqg
with my riddle of words, i will keep writing what i feel needs to get out of my heart. i sit in bed constantly confused about who i am, who i need to be, and especially who i am to YOU. i've learned to care a great deal about what i mean to you, and what it means when we're together smiling. but as of lately, those feelings have withered away even further into nothing, and i'm becoming more and more worthless with insight. and i'm sure i'll keep myself in bed here, sitting here beating myself for slowly opening up to you, but as i beat myself up i can't help but wipe away a few tears and miss you all the time.
this empty feeling compares to every suicidal thought i've had, and it compares to every lifeless word that has come out of my mouth to other men. nothing was more real than the words that were to spoken to you, and i'll never be able to make you understand that now. i'll keep changing my looks, as if i've turned into a completely different person, becoming less and less like myself.
and with saying all of that, i believe this aching has showed me more often than not, that a small love developed and before having it continue, it feels like i've already said goodbye.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw9ayNd1Cqg
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
for no one
" for no one but myself, i will smile for my dreams. "
i enter this blog with a smile. nobody can get in the way of my dreams and i'm beginning to love myself more and more for wanting these things for myself. no man, or woman will get in the way of the love i have for such special things in my life, and i won't let these people bring me down. i smile, as you bring me down.
i enter this blog with a smile. nobody can get in the way of my dreams and i'm beginning to love myself more and more for wanting these things for myself. no man, or woman will get in the way of the love i have for such special things in my life, and i won't let these people bring me down. i smile, as you bring me down.
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