nice to see you

there are some things i will never quite wrap my head around. there are things that are just not meant to understand, and i can't allow my head to be confused by it. maybe being sick has made me throw my emotions on the line, to become this vulnerable girl in a world that's the most alone.

with my riddle of words, i will keep writing what i feel needs to get out of my heart. i sit in bed constantly confused about who i am, who i need to be, and especially who i am to YOU. i've learned to care a great deal about what i mean to you, and what it means when we're together smiling. but as of lately, those feelings have withered away even further into nothing, and i'm becoming more and more worthless with insight. and i'm sure i'll keep myself in bed here, sitting here beating myself for slowly opening up to you, but as i beat myself up i can't help but wipe away a few tears and miss you all the time.

this empty feeling compares to every suicidal thought i've had, and it compares to every lifeless word that has come out of my mouth to other men. nothing was more real than the words that were to spoken to you, and i'll never be able to make you understand that now. i'll keep changing my looks, as if i've turned into a completely different person, becoming less and less like myself.

and with saying all of that, i believe this aching has showed me more often than not, that a small love developed and before having it continue, it feels like i've already said goodbye.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw9ayNd1Cqg

for no one

" for no one but myself, i will smile for my dreams. "

i enter this blog with a smile. nobody can get in the way of my dreams and i'm beginning to love myself more and more for wanting these things for myself. no man, or woman will get in the way of the love i have for such special things in my life, and i won't let these people bring me down. i smile, as you bring me down.